Roberto Baldwin

What to do if you come across Robbie

I posted this in the Facebook group for my graduating class. No one liked it.

The holidays are upon us. And like many of you, I will be visiting my family in good ol’ Tehachapi. Unlike many of you, my inability to interact socially has increased 10-fold. I’ve moved from Boo Radley-level shyness straight up to Howard Hughes-Def Con-Five shyness. And while I may not keep my urine in jars or grow my fingernails to extraordinary lengths, I am weary of the outside world and the humans that inhabit it. So if you happen to see me at Kmart, Albertson’s, or just hanging out at Bicycle Freeway (that’s still a thing right?), please follow these simple steps to assure the best possible outcome:

1. Do not look me square in the eyes. Because of my years of working online, I am unable to comprehend the dynamic gaze of a person that has not been pixilated or has the word “buffering” covering their face. 

2. Do not mention my missing thumb. Sure missing thumbs are hilarious in the abstract, but in this post-iPhone touchscreen everything world, it’s kinda of a bummer. DON’T BRING UP ANGRY BIRDS!

3. If I start talking about Twitter, Quora, Path, Game of Thrones, Surfing or Snowboarding, just back away very slowly. I will talk for hours and will eventually tire myself out and my helper dog will drag me to the nearest emergency room. 

4. I don’t watch sports. I have no idea which team did what. But, if you happen to have a baseball and a couple of gloves, I’ll gladly play catch. Even in a crowded market. 

5. If I run from you, and you chase me, prepare for the awesomest game of tag ever.

CES Karaoke

Hey,

Let’s break away from the official CES parties and hang out. Instead of staring awkwardly at our phones and trying to think of anything to talk about that isn’t tech reporting, we watch each other attempt to sing. Fun!

Embarrassment, alcohol, off-key singing. Things you won’t find at that boring industry party thrown by that company you wrote that really mean article about which you hope they don’t bring it up while you’re ordering a second drink. 

Here’s the plan:

Day: Tuesday 1/8

Time: 10pm - until you remember you have to file a 6am article

Where: Ellis Island Casino - http://www.ellisislandcasino.com/ellis/karaoke.html

4178 Koval Ln
Las Vegas, NV 89109

I have never been here and I’m pretty sure there’s a chance someone will be shanked by a guy named Fred because you “Looked at his lady funny.”

Price: I have no idea. I might call this week. Or not, surprises are fun. 

See you onstage. 

Let’s put together a benefit for Sandy Victims

This weekend I saw NY and NJ friends lining up to volunteer to help those affected by Hurricane Sandy. 

If someone wasn’t volunteering physically, they were posting information to Facebook and Twitter about where to receive food, water, and power to charge smartphones. 

I was about to throw some money at the Red Cross when I thought, maybe I could get a bunch of people to throw money at the Red Cross. If I could get 150 people to give $10 to the Red Cross, that will do more good than my single donation. I have no idea what $1,500 will do. Maybe buy a whole block enough food for a few days. Maybe give shelter to a family for a few nights. As long as the money helps someone, I’m happy. 

To get 150 people to give $10 I had a few options:

1. Tweet the number to the Red Cross. Text REDCROSS to 90999 to give $10. (You can do that now. No really, go for it. You’ll feel better.) I figured I’d get maybe five people to act on that. 

2. Do the same thing on Facebook. Maybe eight people will see the post and act. 

3. Walk around hassling people to donate. I hate those people that stop you on the street to donate to an organization. I’m in a hurry, I don;t have time to talk to you for 20 minutes about the GMO foods. That was out. 

4. Have a show, give the money to charity. 

Number four seemed like the best bet. I have a band and I know people with bands and DJs. If I get them all to the same place at the same time to play music, people will pay to see them. Some of those people will be happy that their entrance fee will go to hurricane victims. Some won’t care, they’ll just want to see their friend’s band play or dance to a DJ. 

If they care about helping, they’ll pay. If they already made a donation, or don’t care, they’ll pay to see a few live bands. Everyone wins. 

So here’s the deal:

I’m looking for bands and DJs right now. I hate to be a jerk, but if your band has never played a show and had two practices, this probably isn’t for you. I know that sounds mean, but we want this to be a good experience for everyone. Being unprepared on stage is a horrible experience.

I need a venue. If you have a venue, or know someone with a venue that is cool with waiving their usual fees, please, shoot them my way. The idea is to kick all the money made at the door to the Red Cross. If your venue wants to host this thing, you can donate the room and stage and keep all the booze money. Or donate some of the booze money. It’s up to you. 

Designers: Wanna make a flier? Here’s your chance. Yes, it’ll be for free. Something I know as a former designer, you should NEVER EVER do. But, it’s for a good cause. Don;t ask me about tax breaks etc. Pretty sure this doesn’t qualify. 

Anything other help you can give. I’m new to this. Help me make this happen. You have skills. 

I don’t want to get bogged down in huge egos, legal BS, or fighting. Let’s just have a show. CHarge $10 a person and give that money to the Red Cross to help victims of Hurricane Sandy. That’s it. It’s easy when you break it down to its core. 

If you’re interested  please shoot me an email. Once I think we have enough acts, we’ll move forward with a venue and start promotions. Hoping to make this happen in the next two-three weeks. Help’s needed now. 

Tacotober is Here

31 Tacos in 31 days

All hail the power of Tacos!

These are the rules as dictated to me by the father of Tacotober - Brian K.

1. Any mixture of two or more traditional items in a folded tortilla constitutes a full taco. 


2. Traditional items are: beans, meat, cheese, salsa, rice, avocado, guacamole, lettuce, cilantro etc. You know, taco stuff.


3. Choco Tacos count as a full taco


4. Mini tacos and taquitos only count as 1/2 a taco. 


5. Fusion tacos (Tacos with ingredients like Daal, Korean BBQ, and haggis etc.) only count as 1/2 a taco. 


6. You must eat 31 tacos during the month of October to be considered an official Tacotober member. 


7. After the great taco shortage of 2007, it is no longer necessary to consume a taco at every meal. But, it is smiled upon by the great taco god, Cilantro the Conqueror. 


8. Spread the word of Tacotober at work, with friends, at your house of worship and via your social network. 


9. It is suggested that you create a “contest” with your friends and co-workers to determine who is most deserving of Cilantro the Conqueror’s love by eating the most tacos during the month.

Share your taco progress.